An ode to pastry Chefs

Lance Corporal Lent, Lance Corporal Lent

His custom made uniform is cut from a tent.

He’s a pastry chef of tank sized girth

He’s as wide as tall and full of mirth.

Waddle here and waddle there

To keep his thighs from chafe and view 

He’s got long legged carbon fiber under wear

Oh yes, Corporal Lent, our Corporal Lent

A pastry chef of great renown.

Self critical of his art only lets the cream depart.

All the failures he gobbles down,

Wouldn’t serve them to a clown.

Then we have di-rect boss, A?

A Sergeant-major Glut Ton-A

Who was trained in French Canadian way.

He would not serve what he would not eat,

“better between the toes of my feet,

Or for the mice and rats to eat.

Keep your honor truly 

Poor food shown is only 

A picture of your mistakes. 

“Best to eat the evidence away.”

That’s what Sergeant-major

 Glut Ton-A would say.

The two of them would work their magic

In the Pentagon and for Congress.

Trouble was no one could pass

After one serving of their best

Any type of physical fitness tests. 

RHYMES AGAINST HUMANITY #3

R.A.N.R

(ray ner)

Rightwing Authoritarian Nationalist Rule

RANR is the game congress plays.

RANR kisses your rights away.

Congress is legit no more

When to the bucks they whore.

Founding papers all encased,

might as well be erased.

Congress memory seems to blot

and understanding meanings not.

RANR is called by many a name.

Fascist rule becomes their tool.

So why the cry, why the hue?

It’s time for these new kooks to rule.

RHYMES AGAINST HUMANITY #2

 (to the tune of Cole Porter’s  Let’s Fall in Love)

T Cells do it, germs do it

Even  little tiny birds do it

Let’s do it, lets execute.

In  Iran,  ayatollahs  doit   (oh you’ll really get stoned)

Tali ban and some Pakis do it

Let’s do  it, lets execute.

The Chinese on the main land  do it

And they charge by the shot,

The Japs in Japan do it

In rooms quite hush hush.

Some folks down in Houston love it,

A bit more      than the rest .

Let’s do it, let’s execute.

Other states without cause do it

some say , ban the DNA,

Let’s do it,         lets execute.

It matters not that  juries rigged for it,

No,   Not one little bit.

If you’re not for it, you’re not on  it

if you are         then this juries in.

So if you’re poor without means to it

You can kiss it good-bye;

If you’re rich as a bitch,

It’s the jury that’s hung.

Let’s do it, let’s execute

Just how many have passed  through it

Not guilty, I’m sure of it.

What’s the seeming point to  it?

They’re dead to it, so

Lets’s do  it let’s execute

The cost to bear is immense for it

The psychic and expense for  it.

Oh just hand me a gun.

And I’ll do it!

Let’s do it let’s execute.

Let’s do it let’s execute.

THE END

RHYMES AGAINST HUMANITY #1

I’m getting renditioned  in the morning.

Kidnapped, jet engines begin to whine.

No time to pack up

Into the sack up

But get him in the jet on time

Got to be in Syria in the Morning

Beat up, confess to any crime.

They come and kick me

Electric shock me

Show me no mercy

But put me on that jet on time.

*To the tune of “I’m getting married in the Morning” in MY FAIR LADY